This phone...

It's unbelievable the things this phone will do for you.
All you gotta do is have this phone in your vicinity and it's like....wow!
You gotta get this phone, man. It's made outta chocolate! Amazing!
This phone got a microwave oven. You stick your *mind* in there and, wow hold on!
This phone is better than LSD.
This phone says gesundheit *before* you sneeze!
Ima mainline this phone.
This phone is your best friend, your mama, your girlfriend, all the pizza in the world, and a psychedelic shotgun all rolled into one.
Tom Waits has this phone.
It's unbelievable the things this phone will do for you, man. Just buy it and STFU.