Better stick to the norm...

It was stoical sigma that finally convinced many an outlier to return to the mean.

Saved my life, mom...!

Seconds ticked by as Ryan squirmed helplessly in the overturned kayak, and then he remembered his mother's words: don't forget to right.

Incognito...

The disguise seemed to be working. Alan's genius had been sitting in the coffee shop for over an hour and so far, no one had recognized him.

Jerk...

When he was 17, Alistair had a stroke of luck that left him with a slight smirk for the rest of his life.

He really was a master of light....

Satan on the dock of the bay, by Vermeer.

Stick *that* in your recommendation engine and banner it!!

The goal of the Orthogonovel Project is to train authors to create works that resonate strongly with 1 individual, but leave others unfazed.

I *thought* I smelled alcohol...!

Clamfolder was well known as a man of great spirituosity.

Hey, lighten up!

Albert wanted cosmetic surgery on the bulb of his nose, but all the doctors were proposing LEDs.

C'mon, get a move on!

Do what you like, but you must do something.

We'll need a certified copy of that diploma...

ZoologyToday: Lobster's degree now minimum requirement for entry into Arthropoda phylum.

Less things stay the same, more they get different. Wait what?

Years ago, everything was less different. Things were more or less all the same.

Not sure that really helps...

SciNews: In rare interview, Schroedinger cat declares "mixed feelings" about quantum interpretation.

I remember hearing slurping noises a lot....

Well I don't know who I worked for last year, sir, I was blindfolded the whole time.

Well, that'll be easy...

Finally Whirtle understood that his only avenue of escape was to stay exactly where he already was.

Time to re-think a number of things...

SciTechNews - Harvard Game Theory group discovers 53rd playing card. Man's fundamental understanding of universe called into question.

Wishing won't make it so....

His cellmate grinned at him across the tiny enclosure, steadfastly refusing to be anyone else.

Who you calling corny?!

Rheinpfaltz had perfected a way of making popcorn pop simply by insulting it.

There there now...

Inkblot's whimpering was keeping the whole camp awake, so finally Jurv took a lump of feldspar and rocked him to sleep.

Talk to Mr Bed!!

What's best when depressed?
Deep rest! Deep rest!
And stay in your nest 'til you're less depressed
You want a way to survive this mess?
Talk to Mr Bed!

Get with the system, lady.

Ginger's grievance was rejected because it was a non-compliant complaint.

Step aside!

Henry wanted something, but unfortunately nothing stood in the way of his getting it.

And you know what that means...

Granger's wikiup suddenly came to a juddering stop, as an odor of fresh mealworms tantalized his nostrils.

My god how inhuman!

To compound the detainees' suffering, the guards would distract them while they were cooking, causing them to overcook their pasta.

Although, if he'd been a little more careful...

The other fireflies always thought Harvey wasn't too bright, until that night he streaked out on a windshield.

Take that!

As a scientist Alex knew that the aliments we take in are teaming with microbes, and he enjoyed listening to them scream as he chewed.

Whew, they made it!

SpiceLife - Parsley, sage & rosemary place 4th, 2nd & 3rd resp. in race against thyme.

Monetize, there must be a way to monetize this...

Gottfried's anonymity had gone viral overnight, and by morning he was completely unknown!

Suzanne Vega meets Disraeli Gears...

You thought the leaden winter would bring you down forever, 

I am sitting
In the morning
At the diner
On the corner

But you rode upon a steamer to the violence of the sun.

I am waiting
At the counter
For the man
To pour the coffee

And the colours of the sea bind your eyes with trembling mermaids,

And he fills it
Only halfway
And before
I even argue

And you touch the distant beaches with tales of brave Ulysses,

He is looking
Out the window
At somebody
Coming in

How his naked ears were tortured by the sirens sweetly singing,

"It is always
Nice to see you"
Says the man
Behind the counter

For the sparkling waves are calling you to kiss their white laced lips.

To the woman
Who has come in
She is shaking
Her umbrella

And you see a girl's brown body dancing through the turquoise,

And I look
The other way
As they are kissing
Their hellos

And her footprints make you follow where the sky loves the sea.

I'm pretending
Not to see them
And Instead
I pour the milk

And when your fingers find her, she drowns you in her body,

I open
Up the paper
There's a story
Of an actor

Carving deep blue ripples in the tissues of your mind.

Who had died
While he was drinking
He was no one
I had heard of

The tiny purple fishes run laughing through your fingers,

And I'm turning
To the horoscope
And looking
For the funnies

And you want to take her with you to the hard land of the winter.

When I'm feeling
Someone watching me
And so
I raise my head

Her name is Aphrodite and she rides a crimson shell,

There's a woman
On the outside
Looking inside
Does she see me?

And you know you cannot leave her for you touched the distant sands

No she does not
Really see me
Cause she sees
Her own reflection

With tales of brave Ulysses, how his naked ears were tortured

And I'm trying
Not to notice
That she's hitching
Up her skirt

By the sirens sweetly singing...

And while she's
Straightening her stockings
Her hair
Is getting wet

The tiny purple fishes run lauging through your fingers,

Oh, this rain
It will continue
Through the morning
As I'm listening

To the bells
Of the cathedral
I am thinking
Of your voice...

And you want to take her with you to the hard land of the winter. 

And of the midnight picnic
Once upon a time
Before the rain began...

I finish up my coffee
It's time to catch the train

Rolls right off my back!!

Albert eschewed raincoats, preferring to daub himself with teflon powder when showers were expected.

I'm a bit hazy on that...

You could hardly say it was sunny but the fog wasn't mist either.

Nice goin'...

Some people play to win. Rintztag failed to succeed.

Sobering....

They were a Ruthless society. They had plenty of other serviceable names for their female citizens, but that one they refused to touch.

Were those war dogs?

To confuse their enemies, the warthogs wore dogs' war togs.

Devilishly good!!

Loretta's prizewinning spare rib recipe used the dark underbellies of what were ostensibly healthy, well-adjusted pigs.

Lemme see that!

I'm afraid it's god's will, Ronald. And he didn't leave you a thing.

Get back in there!

Each time a new detail emerged, Reginald whacked it on the snout with a rolled-up issue of The Guardian.

Get back in there!

Each time a new detail emerged, Reginald whacked it on the snout with a rolled-up issue of The Guardian.

Hey thanks!

Oh, well we've all finished eating already, Matthew, but you're welcome to pick through the garbage if you like.

Eureka!!

One day in 1959, while wrestling with his inner lemons, Trevor Mudlip came up with the idea of a juice bar.

Straighten that tie, Charlie!!

Of all the lower primates, bonobos seem to have the most viable monkey business plan.

Say what?

Cargo pockets are the Devil's earlobes.

How's tricks over in your hemisphere?

A web of interconnect axons and dendrites allows neurons in the brain to communicate with each other - sort of a cellular telephone network!

If he can just make it through Christmas...

After a week on the antipsychotics, the visions of sugarplums dancing in Walter's head seemed to have finally subsided.

Yeah, you busy next Wednesday?

Andy always tried to march to the beat of a different drummer, but he couldn't always find one so there were some repeats in his list.

It really sucks!!

Reicherdt firmly maintained that he was the first person in the world to have nicknamed his vacuum cleaner Chupacabre.

I feel lightheaded...

Franklin felt much better once the physician had removed the offending deadline from his conscious awareness.

Now I forgot why I called...

By sheer coincidence, the wrong number Lewis reached turned out to be the person he was actually trying to call!

Good show!!

Jacquemard's contribution to the underlying chaos was considered by many to be worth its weight in tofu.

Your turn...

Step up to Life™, the Masochist's Paradise!

That'll be a billion dollars please...

NowReading: An Arm and a Legacy - Warfare in the Age of the Pilotless Drone, by Guettscher Bucksworth

That explains a lot of things...

According to the panstoogia hypothesis, all earthly tomfoolery was seeded by highjinks of extraterrestrial origin.

Bye, cuspid!!

SciNews - Fossil record shows dental floss invented by gerbil ancestor.

It's just not fair...

Silurian daredevils dominated this year's waltz competition.

There ya go!

Something got you down? Try ... something else.

I think ya missed a spot there...

Try Humdrum™ brand Fate Sealers.

What's the ice-tray for...?

Oh, that's just Marty recharging his platypus.

Think he missed the point...

As he lay dying on the pavement, the snake twisted his body into a question mark, to ask why.

Look out!

Warning: Concepts understood in retrospect are more fundamental than they appear.

Er, thanks, I guess...

This is a Boltzmann post. It emerged spontaneously from random background processes. You're welcome.

Pay no attention to that...

A buzzer went off, signaling that nothing had happened.

Nope...

Back in a sec, I'm just gonna go see if anybody's recognized my genius yet.

See?

Squinting makes you no less blind.

Latin lover?

Well of course I find you attractive, Charlotte, I mean, mutatis mutandis.