What neologism do you need to make margaritas?

Abadalatakila

Google it. I believe I invented the word.

C'est ma terre, ou je m'assoie

Plan a dearth.

Olé!

If I were a matador/ And you were a lunchbox/ Would you sublet my taco sauce/ To make room for bunched socks?


Yes, If I Were a Carpenter tweets are coming back into vogue again. So be ready for 'em!

Ya gotta admit...

If I didn't know better, I'd be no worse for it.

Gotta face facts....

The crow, pacing back and forth with wings folded behind him, realized that whatever course of action he chose, he'd still be just a bird.

Stand up straight(!)

A pointless, roundabout exclamation becomes parenthetic.

Is your vacuum fluctuating or is its bag full?

I've seen a strange interference between positive and negative viewpoints in my timeline. Can this be twitterbewegung?

Milan Kundera's timeline....

The Ineschewable Sponginess of Being #workingtitles

Put up your dukes, Patty!

Come on baby fight my liar.

See how they run like grease from a bun

Scripture scrapped you ripped your rapture don't you you think the rupture raps for you?

A pregnant pause...

The birth cabal was plotting who they'd send down the chute next.

Writer's Island

Recalcitrant prisoners were forced to perform crossword puzzles without benefit of pen or pencil.

Dial j for jazz...

An unknown little ditty flitted through his forebrain, some imaginary number, played no doubt in the key of i.

I'm cool with that....

I don't believe in God, but if He wants to exist, I'm certainly not going to argue with Him.

Hey man, believe it if you want to....

It was not exactly dogma he was setting forth, but a more relaxed & laissez-faire discourse. Catma, if you will.

The Twitter Bride

He rolled over to his Twitter bride and gave her a peck on the cheek. She lay there as if dead, eyes open, blankly fixing the ceiling. Rising on one elbow, he pulled back the covers to inspect her. No respiration. No activity. A broken doll.

For three days she remained that way. Immobile. Agape. Quiescent.

On the morning of the fourth day, on awakening, he heard a rustling beside him. His Twitter bride was online again, active. He clicked her good morning and she responded, turning her head to thank him for the follow.

Keep those ones and zeros coming....

Is it still information if it's false?

You saw it here first! (unless you caught it on Twitter)

Virgin Suicides: The Story of Bin Laden's Arrival in Paradise

Sea Breams are Made of This

Sea breams are made of this
Who am I to diss a tree?
Toggle a whirl and eleven bees
Everybody's cookin' a dumplin'

Uncle Ben wants to tease you
Uncle Ben wanna get teased by you
Mother Hen wants to appease you
Mother Hen wants you to eat your peas

Sea breams are made of this
Who am I to kiss a flea?
Paddle a girl with a heavy cheese
Everybody's hopin' for pumpkins

Fold your head off
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off

Auntie Em wants to goose you
Auntie Em wanna get goosed by you
Oxygen want to reduce you
Oxygen want to reduce your goose

Fold your head off
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off, put it on
Fold your head off, put it on
Take your head off

Sea breams are made of this
Who am I to piss the street?
Scramble a hurl on bended knees
Everybody's stuck in a dustbin

Sea breams are made of this
Who am I to diss a tree?
Toggle a whirl and eleven bees
Everybody's cookin' a dumplin'

Don't fall for it!!

Can I get a witless?

Linkedin's "Get His Bird a Dress"

Foreskin and 7 beers to go, flyswatters gave birth with incontinence a pupation, relieved at puberty & medicated by a papal vision that tall men are deflated seagulls.

Hey, I was here first!

Sometimes I'm not sure if I really am the same person.

Put a photon in your futon.

Energy is the opiate of the massless.

Letting your powerpoint slide....

Thank you for your attention span. Are there any questions?

Regular or unleaded?

Whatever it is that fuels Twitter, I'm sure it's part ethanol.

All god's chillun gotta pope!

The hours of popelessness ended with a puff of smoke as "Habemus Papa!" rang forth.

Paving the way....

On and on the yellow brick rode, as he followed his dream of one day belonging to something much bigger than himself.

Gulp?

All grossed out and no place to throw.

Oops....

Been great to interact with you on Twitter. Would enjoy seeing you in prison.

Herd this one yet?

How many words would a wordherd herd if a wordherd had heard words?

Speaking of mudplasters....

There aren't enough cashews in the alphabet to express the viscosity I obtain each time I modulate a new duck rancher.

Stolen Oysters

On Saturday an old woman was caught shoplifting two oysters at our fish place. The shopkeeper made her give them back, and simply threw them back into the bin. I wondered who ended up buying them, and if they tasted any differently from other oysters that had not been stolen. Perhaps they'd been traumatized by the incident, felt the stigma of having been involved in a criminal act - however inadvertantly. Could such a thing lead to bitterness, or add an igneous, sulphurous note to an otherwise crisp, iodic nose?

An artwiculate nugget

Alas, Prosaic! I knew him, Horatio; a fellow of insipid jest, of most redolent fancy; he hath bored me on his back porch a thousand times...

Neh?

Cecity is the mother of abstention.

Spanish-English translation error in Shakira song

I'm crazy 'bout your tie-clip, loca loca loca.

On a Cleaning Day

On a cleaning day
Rise and look around you
Is this my home? This pen?!
On a cleaning day
How it will astound you
That the filthiness found in your bathroom
Defies human ken
You'll feel part of every basin, tub and tile
As you lunge
For that sad sponge
That's not been wiggled in a while
And on a cleaning day...On a cleaning day...
You can scrub forever...
And ever...
And ever more. . .

An insult in waiting.....

The weakest link in a chain of fools.

A clove by any other name would smell as sweat

Alexander had memorized the national anthems of 17 varieties of garlic.

Mississippi cresting threatens oysters

Reuters - US Army sending C130 transports of Frenchmen armed with lemons and three-pronged forks to Louisiana to avert oyster disaster.

At least it aint shufflin' off to Buffalo....

Can someone explain why the distal phalanx of my left index is pointing off toward Mecca?

Now you herd it all...

Como agua para elefantes.

C'est pas gravlax!

Those who would inveigle me/ Need only lox & bagle me

Embarassing moments in medicine....

Horace explained to the doctor that he'd been daubing Brylcreem on his toes and lost his balance.

Let's hear it for the Big Guy!!

If we said God was implausible, would he thunder us a plause?

Help!! Old blue-eyes is back!!

Dreamed I inserted a sleeping person inside a human skeleton. Upon awakening, they opened their eyes from within the skull's eyes.

Thumbtwiddlers anonymous

I tried to repair my watch and now I've got time on my hands.

Kneelin' just to keep from feelin'...

Far from nügen.

Hellman's soliloquy...

Whether 'tis nobler in a bowl 2 suffer aloe vera as a mayonnaise portion, or 2 drip oil into a sea of eggyolks, and by emulsing, blend them?

Binny Bones Bites it Big

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water: Osama Bin Laden buried at sea.

Sendin' out an SMS....

Dreamed an SMS came on my phone and woke up to go look at it. No SMS there, but Bin Laden is dead.

Death Counts

Woke up this morning with two words on my mind: Death counts.

Why Death counts?

As in Death counts are on the rise in conflicts around the world?
As in Death counts on the folly of man to fill his coffers?
As in Death counts ride phantom horses over desolate plains?
As in Death counts the minutes 'til we're in his grasp?
As in Death counts, but life doesn't?

Why Death counts? Still counting...