The Killer (with apologies to Kenny Rogers)

On a warm summer's evenin' on a highway bound for nowhere
I ran into a killer, we were both too drunk to see
So we took turns a starin' at our junkheaps in the darkness
'Til our bladders overtook us and we both turned to pee

The man said, "I just took my wife out for gettin' in people's faces
Pokin' in their business and gen'rally bein' a drag
Now if you don't mind my sayin', you're peein' on yore shoelaces
But for a taste of that there whiskey, I'll let you use this rag."

Well I handed him the bottle and he bolted down a swallow
Was he reachin' for a cigarette? Something glinted in the light.
Then he held up a revolver, you should'a seen my expression.
When he said, "If you're gon' play the game, ya gotta play it right.

You got to know how to hold it, know how to reload it,
Know when to fire away and know when to chill.
You never count your bullets when you're firin' at a target
There'll be time enough for countin' after you made your kill.

Now ev'ry killer knows that the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' when to aim it high and when to aim more deep.
For ev'ry woman's a sinner and ev'ry man's a loser,
And the best that they can hope for is to buy it in their sleep."

Well he fin'lly finished singin' and turned back towards his jalopy,
Turned on the radio and slipped out of his boots.
But right there in the darkness, that killer got unlucky.
'Cause with all that he'd just larned me that was a gun that I could shoot.

You got to know how to hold it, know how to reload it,
Know when to fire away and know when to chill.
You never count your bullets when you're firin' at a target
There'll be time enough for countin' after you made your kill.