Tuesday, October 30, 2012
Kinda fills ya up inside knowing...
By the time Frank left the restaurant, he was convinced of the intrinsic goodness of the hunan rice.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Later, he leveraged that into the print empire...
On this day in 1455, Johannes Gutenberg was awarded a patent on the ink
lined plane, with all mechanical advantages thereunto appertaining.
Friday, October 26, 2012
Start Climbin'!
When I finally hit bottom I looked around me and damned if it wasn't gonna be turtles all the way back up too.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
So there!
We come into the world alone, and we leave the world alone. It's the part in between that sucks.
Better see a doctor about that...
Because of his drinking problem, Hank frequently got punch in his nose.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The Whisker
Un tas, un talon, un rebiquement sur l'horizon, une souche.
Ce poil, ce bout de cil, ce pixel pointant dans le gris.
Un jour ci, un jour là. Toujours là.
Je ne l'ai jamais vu bouger.
Je ne l'ai jamais vu.
Ce n'était rien.
Puis un jour ça n'y était plus.
Et j'ai compris que j'étais seul.
Ce poil, ce bout de cil, ce pixel pointant dans le gris.
Un jour ci, un jour là. Toujours là.
Je ne l'ai jamais vu bouger.
Je ne l'ai jamais vu.
Ce n'était rien.
Puis un jour ça n'y était plus.
Et j'ai compris que j'étais seul.
Go ahead, show me a good time!
One nice thing about insanity is you don't have to keep thinking up stuff to do.
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Put up your dukes!
"I'm not afraid of you," declared the octopus to the starfish, "you're not even-armed!"
Monday, October 22, 2012
Other than that it was a great idea.
Unfortunately, for Robin's idea to work, the two packages would have to contain each other.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
The shot heard 'round the block...
Fritz had hoped to time his fart with the slamming of the car door. He was off by half a second.
Really?
The high-speed aircraft bit is one of the finest hole-cutting instruments in all of boredom.
Why can't they keep me posted about such things?
"Oh," exclaimed the surprised adversary on seeing Gallahad's chain-link tunic, "you've got mail!"
Hey, what's that weird glow over there?!
There's a bright golden haze on the meadow/The corn's as imperiled as an
Ella Fitzgerald/An' it looks like its barreled clear up to the sky
Friday, October 19, 2012
That aint runnin' (with apologies to Dire Straits)
I want my ESPN
Now look at them yo-yo's, that's no way to do it
With fancy runnin' shorts and trademark T's
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Hoppin' 'round like that just ain't for real
Maybe get a blister on your little toenail
Maybe get a blister on your heel
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
(See the little faggot in compression shorts and hoodie
Why the coverup, he's got no hair?
That little faggot buys out bankrupt corporations
That little faggot he’s a millionaire)
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
I shoulda learned to play the money market
I shoulda learned to sell subprimes
Look at that Baby Jogger with the 100 dollar haircut!
Man, I could use some o' that sometimes
And that one there, what's that? Hawaiian punch?
A hydro-pack like Captain Galaxy!
Oh, that ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
Look a' here
Now look at them yo-yo's, that's no way to do it
With fancy runnin' shorts and trademark T's
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Look at that, look at that
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
I want my, I want my, I want my ESPN
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Now look at them yo-yo's, that's no way to do it
With fancy runnin' shorts and trademark T's
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Hoppin' 'round like that just ain't for real
Maybe get a blister on your little toenail
Maybe get a blister on your heel
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
(See the little faggot in compression shorts and hoodie
Why the coverup, he's got no hair?
That little faggot buys out bankrupt corporations
That little faggot he’s a millionaire)
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
I shoulda learned to play the money market
I shoulda learned to sell subprimes
Look at that Baby Jogger with the 100 dollar haircut!
Man, I could use some o' that sometimes
And that one there, what's that? Hawaiian punch?
A hydro-pack like Captain Galaxy!
Oh, that ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
I just destroyed my microwave oven
Smoked the kitchen up could hardly see
Gatorade's in the refrigerator
Think I'll go watch TV
Look a' here
Now look at them yo-yo's, that's no way to do it
With fancy runnin' shorts and trademark T's
That ain't runnin', that's no way to do it
Can't get a workout for nothin', gotta lift your knees
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Look at that, look at that
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
I want my, I want my, I want my ESPN
Workout for nothin' gotta lift your knees
Here, try 'em on...
TechNews - Research group at MIT develops Terahertz-sensitive goggles that make everyone look silly.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Talk about gerrymandering....
The world is divided into two classes. Unfortunately the boundary between them is a fractal, so it's kind of hard to describe.
"Hey," demanded Mandelbrot as he surveyed the fractal boundary, "who's side are you on?"
"Hey," demanded Mandelbrot as he surveyed the fractal boundary, "who's side are you on?"
Ouch, do that again!
NowReading: Fifty Grades of Shale, A Fracking Exposé of What Goes on Beneath the Outskirts of Seattle, by Odetta Hertz.
Now *that's* what I call small print...
The words of the prophets are written on the event horizons of black holes.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Monday, October 15, 2012
Oz in chaos!
Reuters - Lollypop Guild secedes from Munchkin Land, launches surprise attack against Lullaby League.
Isn't it dandy?!
At the knicknack store, Dempster found the perfect nut case to keep his cashews in.
Been eatin' like a black hole lately...
Benjamin thought he'd discovered a radio source in his accretion disk, but it turned out to be just his cellphone clipped to his belt.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
It was probably what he meant to do anyway...
Gallagher decided to let auto-complete finish out his day.
Get the point?
"Now let's twist again, like we did last summer," he whispered as he rotated the poignard by its handle, "twist again, like we did last year!"
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Euh, happy Thanksgiving?
Down in Poultry Hell, Tom the Turkey learned his legs and wings had been thrown away by a spoiled little girl who didn't like dark meat.
Washoe talkin' about?
"I am reminded here," continued the shaman, "of the episode in which Walker, Texas Ranger, becomes blind."
Monday, October 8, 2012
That "oops" moment...
Gee, Mom, if that's what happens when we die, what's everybody doing hangin' around here?
Break out the lifeboats!
"Abandon chimp!" cried the flea to his comrades as the drunken simian tumbled into the swimming pool.
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Now there's a new twist...
"Hang on a second," he interrupted, tugging on the ends of a piece of fusilli pasta, "let me get this straight."
Store them out of reach to avoid problems...
Severe tire damage, anyone?
When the waters receded, Noah saw he'd now have to do something about
all the fish left high and dry, and thus was the carp ark invented.
Friday, October 5, 2012
Greetings from Chairman Mitt, in descending ordure...
"Hey, have a great day!"
"Go out and make it a great day!"
"Give it no other option than to be an absolutely fantastic day!"
"Chase it down, corner it, and keep hammerin' on it 'til it's the best friggin' day that ever was!"
"If that doesn't work, grab some other poor schmuck's day that looks promising and declare it yours!"
"Now get out and make it an even better day!"
"Seek guarantees that your day will better than anyone else's day can possibly be!"
"Go out and devalue everyone else's day!"
"Then buy up other people's days for peanuts and stack 'em into one big super duper day!"
"Go out and make it a great day!"
"Give it no other option than to be an absolutely fantastic day!"
"Chase it down, corner it, and keep hammerin' on it 'til it's the best friggin' day that ever was!"
"If that doesn't work, grab some other poor schmuck's day that looks promising and declare it yours!"
"Now get out and make it an even better day!"
"Seek guarantees that your day will better than anyone else's day can possibly be!"
"Go out and devalue everyone else's day!"
"Then buy up other people's days for peanuts and stack 'em into one big super duper day!"
I turned around from the stove and they were gone!
Investigators finally found Betty's eggwhites in a back alley where they'd been beaten and left for dead.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Took too long to type 'em in before...
Reuters - US Supreme Court rules phone keypads must include irrational numbers by 2018.
Monday, October 1, 2012
Go easy on it, I don't want to have to call a spin doctor.
I'll have the big bounce cosmology with torsion, please.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
