Anything else on?

Undertainment (n): term describing any sub-threshold artistic or variety show, presentation, film, etc.

That's wah-wah, not oui-oui!

Fluctuat nec airguitar.

Hand me that nail file...

Samuel carved a notch in his personality for every friendship he destroyed.

Speak of the Devil!

GodNews - Controlled tests show identical spiritual fulfillment scores for patients using actual religions and those receiving a placebo.

But the pages are all blank!!

Reuters - Homeopathy researchers prove Bible still effective even when so diluted no characters remain.

Alarm clock? Fire alarm?

Jack still hadn't figure out what had made that loud ringing sound in the middle of the night, but at least the phone was off the hook.

Call the aye-yi-yi-yi doctor!!!

Waylan peeked into the end of an overripe avocado and ended up getting glaucamole.

I don't think they were crazy about you either...

I have just met my goals. Didn't like them a bit. Boring, pretentious...

Well then who's that fella?

Views expressed in this mirror do not reflect those of the Vampire Council or any other official Realm of the Undead organization.

Oh noded!!

That the imp lied implied that the imp uploaded load imploded.

Boom!

Reuters - ATF bureau moves to ban Semtex marriages.

Oh, I get it!

Your genome, Wingnut, is the thing that makes you me.

You gonna finish that burger...?

"Ahhh," smiled Helmholtz as he felt the life draining from his body, "alone at last!"

Giddyap!!

"No no," corrected the librarian, "resource, not racehorse. Think of me as a resource."

Thermal vent humor #328

The other tubeworms made Ernie understand in no uncertain terms that his "Habemus papam!" wisecrack was not funny.

Little higher...no, the other button!

Have just purchased an electric hackle raiser.

Outslaws....

Somewhere in the West of old
Where sandwich chefs roamed lawless
There stood a greasy spoon that dared
To serve its platters slawless
Aside from lack of greens I found
Their execution flawless
So if you want their street address
Just drop a line, or call us!

Spoken like a true knotter...

It's not that I knot, it's that I cannot *not* knot.

Oh is that what all those sirens were...

Morning has broken. Experts are on the way.

I remember it as if it were yesterday...

Sigmund Freud's favorite wine was Geburtstraumaner.

How's the weather up there?

Turkle went to the costume party dressed as Beerano de Sir Giraffe.

Here, drink some water...

The administration had instituted a gag rule and hired a gag ruler to enforce it.

See?

Arcturus had developed a new type of eyeglasses that he claimed could cure enigmatism.

Clean up your room!!

Girl-handled pigsty.

Order yours now!!

Mooch-proof spaghetti whistle.

Available in stick, spray, or drip-proof applicator!!

Use Crucifix™ for all your parochial adhesion needs.

Say again?

Silence, for if a noise annoys, we won't hear woe 'n tear.

Wellcome to Munchkin Land!!!

The treacly sweet taste lingering in Alistair's mouth represented the lollipop guilt of the previous night's binge.

Hold it a little closer, I can't read the next one...

The very first time the 10 commandments were read, it was clear they were bushlit.

Colorful personality that Duncan...

For a tomato, Duncan was very well read.

Slice of life, anyone?

Timothy awoke to find himself made entirely of bread.

Guess it will just have to do for now...

Enjoy your day. You won't get another one 'til tomorrow.

Quick, lower the control rods!!

It is well known that when your cranium reaches critical mess, it explodes!

Yabbut, is that all...?

Thereupon the number one sprung into existence, revelling in its unity.

Wouldn't have it any other way...

Range Rovers are the parthenogenetic turkeys of Buddhist methodology.

You won't wriggle out of this one....

It was to be be flamethrowers at 30 Angstroms.

Be, beer, beest?

Wendell claimed he'd reached a higher plane of existence, annoying his drinking buddies with his beer-than-thou attitude.

Re-dick-u-less!!

Reuters - Pioneer sex-change doctor dies peniless in Johannesburg.

Maybe if I nailed 'em down....nah....

The trouble with using penguins as doorstops, concluded Weibull, was that they kept walking away.

We warned you!!!

When Chingfeng opened her eyes, she learned with horror that what the older children had told her was true: there was no Peking!

One, two, a-one two four nine...

Up next was Hoopla McQuarkle, who was carted onstage in a sedan chair.

With all blights and sausages thereunto appertaining.

Elijah received The Golden Suppository Award for outstanding contributions to overall societal malaise.

Cats me if you can!

Cat's are entirely unaffected by the need to bark at sirens that dogs dogs.

Reg? Reg, wake up!

Reginald pulled a hamstring trying to dance to his own circadian rhythm.

Peel me up an 8 incher, Floyd...

Though bananas are not believed indigenous to Titan, they would provide a near perfect building material for inhabitants seeking shelter.