Desperate Otto, the Jarhead Ventriloquist (to the tune of 'Desperado')

Desperate Otto, wipe that lipstick off your handses
You're no Señor Wences, so go along now
You're a jarhead, I guess you must have your reasons
That top spot you're leavin' can help you somehow?

Don't chew the spleens of caimans boy
They'll eat you if they're able
Chicken hearts are always your best bet
Now it seems to me some wine things
Have been spilled upon your table
And that's probably why it's surface looks all wet

Desperate Otto, you ain't gettin' my number
You're dumb and your dumber, it's drivin' me mad
And boredom, well that's just some people's pastime
I told you that last time. I didn't? My bad.

Don't your ears get cold in the winter time?
You're almost bald, but your scalp don't shine
It's hard to tell your noggin from your neck
Your hair's like an inverted beard
It isn't full, but simply weird, your deck

Desperate Otto, wipe that lipstick from your handses
Don't diss Señor Wences, you're not in his league
You may be clueless, but there's a blueness above you
So slap a hat on that rug, you'll be as swag as can be!