A spoonful of ethanol helps the technobabble go down...

The Editor-in-Chief deemed the paper had merit and forwarded it to three experts for beer review.

Settle down, girl...

Shirley, you're choking Mr. Feynman!!

Better increase his medication....

Irreality set in as Gunther slid into a subjunctive mood.

Happy Easter?

"We are all Gilligan's Islanders" - Richard P. Feynman

Fancy bread....

Tell me where is fancy bread, or in the heart or in the head? - Libby Dough Company official corporate motto

You saw it here first. Well, you saw it here.

Most art created remains largely unknown. The most popular art is not the best art. It follows that most of the world's best art is unknown.

300 baud nostalgia....

If U miss th'tweet I sent/U will know th'tube is bent/U can hear th'modem wail 300 Baud/300Bd300Bd300Bd300Bd/U can hear th'modem wail 300 Bd

Move over, Isaac!

If I have been unable to see as far as others, it's because the guy in front of me had a midget on his shoulders.

Clear?

Early diopters are often the lens through which new trends become recognized.

Let's try that again....

When given a new burden to bear, we must learn to carry it so that it does not chafe. Having said that, fuck everything.

What ho, physician?

Who aspires to Bhagawabbit requires a guide. Go then to the forests of Iberia, and seek the one they call El Merfudd.

Hippocrates redux

Velveeta breakfast, arse longer.

Somewhere, in a parallel universe....

Go ahead, punk, turn my frown upside down.

Caught red-handed....

"Susan," he said, as he removed his blood-streaked hands from the chimpanzee's open chest cavity, "I...I can explain."

Just this once....

John reckoned that since he'd be dead in the morning, he could get away with putting the dishes into the trash instead of the dishwasher.

Some Artwiculate gems....(despot)

Im a li'l despot short&stout/Here're my death squads heres my Swiss account/When th'folks get pissedoff I jus'shout/Overthrow me kick me out

Amidst the rubble of the former palace, Hendricks discovered a defiled corpse lying in a shallow grave. "This must be despot," he reflected.

Splat!

The words that flew so trippingly from his tongue landed with an ignominious splat on her eardrum.

New book cover!

When enough is enough, and enough is too much, it's the Ultimo Kartoffel! Now with a sexy new cover! The Ultimo Kartoffel, by Bruce Denby

Oh they just *had* to put a man on Mars...

After six months traipsing across the Red Planet with his head in a tin-can, Jenkins was ready for a bath, a bourbon, and a burger.

And thus was the bill de-feeted....

All favorable raise your hands. Opposable, your thumbs.

Honesty is the best policy...

Jerry shook the beagle awake when it began to purr and meow. He was not about to let a sleeping dog lie.

A road song....

Where have all the speedbumps gone? / Langsam fahren / Where have all the speedbumps gone? / Bott's dots to go.

Sting Covers....

I'm'a nail me one, an illegal alien, I'm a policeman in Arizona.

I'm an andouillette, I'm a stinky andouillette, I'm a saucisson of pure pork.

Here's the beef!

Hoping to impress girls with a new, beefier build, Norton had signed up for the Advanced Meat Recovery system.

So follow it already

Follow the hell out of the Yellow Brick Road.

True friends help each other out...

Rick decided that his supervisor would look better with a knife sticking out of his throat.

Household hint no. 436

When in doubt, suffer.

That's a good lad...

Realizing that it had just been crushed beyond recognition, the wasp obediently died.

Lest we forget...

Assonance is the final palimpsest of the leprechaun. - Winston Churchill

Happy Bastille Day!

A long zong fondle up a tree / Large urdu glower ate our oy vay!

Put that gun down...

He pointed his ethanol torch at the bug in his brain. It glowed like a meteor, but was never consumed.

And there I was again...

Malevolent ribosomes upend my suitcase. Assonance, corrupted, invades a space where slingshots fail to bond.

In short, the girl dies

You call the police, the girl dies/You talk to a dog pissing on a lamppost, the girl dies/You mix up anaphora and epistrophe, the girl dies.

Is the Pope toilet trained?

In the Schroedinger scat experiment, the bear both does and does not shit in the woods.

Damning with faint praise...

Too clever by a third.

Can I get a quantum of solace?

I'm all for the Many Worlds Interpretation, but why do I always get the shag end of the bifurcation?

Eggman, anyone?

Carborundum handshake, mutilated muskrat, boy you been a knotty pine, you bet your uncle's bum.

Calling any vegetable....

It took us forever to find a taxi. They have really lousy cabbage there.

Some Artwiculate detritus...

After 15 minutes, Peggy set down the whisk and conceded that her mayonnaise was indomitable.

The Daily Seismograph is a supplement to the Telegraph containing all the most earthshaking news.

Pickles with that?

Two-give me, Father, for I half-sinned.

And lo, man made God in his own image....

And then God created light upon the earth, to rule over day and night and to separate light from darkness, and God said, "So there's that."

That magic moment....

Honey, wake up, the plane's about to crash.

Come over where it swarm...

Why insects never became intelligent: "Well on the one hand....and on the other hand....and on the other hand....and on the other hand....."

TechNews - UK researchers report primitive tube worms seek sources of heat, evidence for 'tswarm intelligence.

We'd like to see more of thee, Dorothy

For he who findeth not happiness, his own backyard therein, also shall the Lord deem never to have lost it at all, amen.

Westward throw!

Alea jacta ouest.

Bcc: Be carbon conscious!!

Fact: You can reduce your carbon footprint up to 15% by avoiding cc:'s in your emails.

And a-one and a-two and-a

Wake up wake up you living dead!/ Get up get up get outta bed!

Effete appetit!

Biomass is the tarte tatin of the existentialist.

Man O'Manitoba

Useless information clogs my brain like tar-sand in some far-flung Canadian province.

Linearity with a twist

Straight things are just spirals with a tiny little pitch.

Dixie melody No. 2347

Document your base pairs with a Dixie melody/ If Señor Wences is in your sequences, admit that sex is risky.