He realized he didn't have a leg to stand on....

The heptaplegiac arachnid waved hi.

Fractured lightbulb jokes....

How many explanations does it take to change a dimbulb?

A hundred morons walk into a bar and ask the bartender if he's got change for a lightbulb.

An election by erection, as it were....

Each man's existence - to the extent that he shoots his wad - represents a single vote for the face the future will have.

Stuff it!

Tom reckoned that if the best any of us can do is vote for a future filled with genomes like our own, he might as well stuff the ballot box.

Call me et al.

If I make you first author, Betty when you cite me you can call me et al., call me et al.

Everybody needs one....

Earthquake syringe.

On this frabjous day, let us pledge our dust cloths....

Hype ledge a liege ants, tooth of lag, after your knotted tights of a marigold.

And two-three pup-lick, four widget stands, wan Haitian, hunt her cod, in the visible, wet slipper teen just as for Raul.

The meaning of life

Leo conceded it was unfathomable. His best shot was to carrom his genome into the stradalada & hope some future gumball would figure it out.

That oughtta sella million copies!

Larry decided to write his first novel about a man who spends three years putting together marketing tools before writing his first novel.

What kind of planet is this anyway?

Zork stood before the wall for over an hour and no brick came to his aid. On Frip, bricks normally exhibited complicity in under 10 minutes.

Pas de deux interrupted...

A rivulet of borscht snaked down Dmitri's forehead as the ballerina he suspended above him vomited delicately. #lqw

An astronomical chuckle....

Waiter, there's a Trojan in my Lagrange point.

This one was popular on Artwiculate....

Because of his mirth defect, William was unable to be a jocular like the other boys.

New business model!

Have decided to start an emergency shoelace replacement service.

Our Promise: Fresh shoelaces airlifted to you worldwide in under 30 minutes, or they're free.

Because what?

Because the roll is wound, it earns me tons 
Because the roll is wound, it earns me tons
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind 
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind
Aaaaaaaaahhh........

Love is all, love is new
Love is all, love is you

Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Aaaaaaaaahhh........

Faster!

When the nurse lifted her head in a brief moment of inattention, the flustered master's mustard plaster busted past her.

Keep in line....

There once was a closed curved named Lee
That had a a fractal dimension of 3
They said stop yer twinin'
Yer overdefinin'
Yer tortuous superficies

Today's grammar lesson

Pie before tea, except after three, or if hounded like prey, while at labour or play.

Fractured Wire Service Updates

Reuters - Faster than light neutrino slated for mother and child reunion as defunct satellite hurtles earthward.

Been watching too many French cop shows...

Ô sous écoute, ô sous écoute, ô sous écoute honey hide your loot, my sous écoute.