Snif-snif, achoo!

Handkerchiefs are the penis-gourds of the broken-hearted.

Messed are the bleak....

His shortcomings were ongoing.

Munch a bunch o' kiitos

When Jerry didn't win Father of the Year for the 3rd consecutive time, he decided he'd let the blasted kids fend for themselves from now on.

A current event about semiconductors

Current flow in semiconductors results from the movement of real charges, called electrons, and trumped up charges, called holes.

My cultural heritage....

When I was 18 months old, I made a decision to preserve the cultural heritage of my ancestors by learning English.

Die boobenshpakles

Life's but a hokey flashmob,
A RealPlayer slicing & dicing its hour upon a stage,
A tail wagged by a #boobenshpakles,
Full of sound & fury, signifying nada.

Grand News

This blog is now included on my Amazon Author Page.

The Colonel got *what*?!

They come for the mayonnaise. They stay for the alpaca races.

Look where you're going!

Guy walks into a bar and stumbles away muttering & rubbing his head.

So go back to bed....

Warning: daily seizing of new opportunities can lead to carpal diem syndrome.

Shakespeare was wrong

NewsFlash: UK scientists prove roses smell sweeter when named "pftlsk".

Low Tarzan

Reuters: UK scientists produce Low Tarzan by digitally filtering old Johnny Weissmuller movies

In hoc signo vinces? Ad hoc Senor Wences!!

In hoc Senor Wences: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJiYZ6QIAtY

Single-O Ten anyone?

"So then, what'll mister washed-up secret agent be havin' for his third drink o' the evenin'?"

"Extra dry vodka martini. Second, not third."

Didja punctuate of late?

Womanhood is a sentence that begins with a period.

God's telephone number

It's TAttersall tic-tac-toe.

Die Gooberführer

After his famous beer-nuts putsch, the Planter's trademark became obsessed with power, demanding to be addressed as "die Gooberführer".

Schroedinger Pizza

Scroedinger Pizza has all toppings at once until you open the box.

Because of quantum entanglement, some poor schnocque across town will get his pizza with all the toppings you didn't pick.

And if the delivery boy forgets which is which and peeks inside? Everybody gets anchovies!

The shoulders of vampires...

Newton saw further by standing on the shoulders of giants. We may tweet louder by standing on the shoulders of vampires.

Birdflippers anonymous

The children were asleep when the meals cart came by, so Marge ate their lunches too. She'd regurgitate them back into their mouths later.