Thursday, October 13, 2011

How about a date?

Reduce your Carbon-14 footprint: drop dead.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Name your poison?

You've got to dose it with the right chemicals, or else consciousness isn't worth the neural matrix it's defined upon.

There were no survivors....

Without warning, the fruit borscht brute forced its way into Linda's garment bag.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Today's feijoada recipe

Ingredients:

10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled beef
10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled pork
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork sausage
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork ribs
a red herring (in season)
600 kg of black beans
large duffle bag filled with: brown sugar, thyme, oregano, cayenne pepper, bay leaves, salt, black pepper, cloves, cinnamon, fresh ginger, and chopped Serrano chiles

Throw ingredients into the back of a clean, well-sealed Toyota pickup truck and fill with orange juice. Let sit in a cool, dry garage, taking truck out for a spin every day or so to mix flavors. After two weeks, set garage on fire, continuing to add wood as needed to keep low flame for at least 72 hours. Tires may be removed if desired to limit smoking. Extinguish flames and cover mixture with half-inch layer of manioc flour.

Serve with orange wedges and individual entrenching tools. Feeds Brazil.

One more good reason...

You pick your feet in Poughkeepsie, the girl dies.

Run that by me again?

There'd been a glaring misstep in the first number, but Rich declined to repeat it in order to avoid re-done dance.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Misquoted quotes installment no. 3567

Mr. Gorbachev, kneel down this tall. *holds hand waist high*

Sunday, October 9, 2011

You never know....

The waitress showed up with a turkey baster and a plastic tub on a tray. "Would you like a little less coffee, sir?" she demanded.

Claims to be evaluated on merit now...

Reuters - Meek advised to "man up" as Earth inheritance called into doubt.

Snow what I mean?

It's not the snowing, it's knowing that it's snowing.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

What's the angle on this one?

The warrior fell aslant from the force of the blow and proceeded to die agonally. #lqw

Return of Bodzilla!!

Don't let the ill-boders get you down.

Going to Montana soon, going to be a kopi luwak tycoon

Have just scotch-taped a weasel to my coffee grinder.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Put that in your 140 character box and tweet it!

My country isn't the sweet land o'puberty toothy icing/Land where my fathers buy LandRovers toddlerized to every punkin pie let boredom ring

War of the bots....

Reuters - Pentagon confirms American cleric killed in Yemen drone strike was a robot.

RIP Steve Jobs

Microsoft's corporate flag is flying at half-assed today.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Off for a snack...

I couldn't think of anything to tweet, and then I realized I'd been neglecting the "Garbage in" part of the old dictum.

Waiter there's a goldilocks zone in my chiffonier!

Have just discovered 3000 exoplanets in my sock drawer.

Can't win 'em all....

There were a multitude of parallel universes in which Duncan had made better choices, while nonetheless remaining a chump.

On the level....

The degenerate quantum states looked into the vacuum of each other's eyes and said, "Do you want to make a deal?"