Thursday, October 13, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Name your poison?
You've got to dose it with the right chemicals, or else consciousness isn't worth the neural matrix it's defined upon.
There were no survivors....
Without warning, the fruit borscht brute forced its way into Linda's garment bag.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Today's feijoada recipe
Ingredients:
10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled beef
10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled pork
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork sausage
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork ribs
a red herring (in season)
600 kg of black beans
large duffle bag filled with: brown sugar, thyme, oregano, cayenne pepper, bay leaves, salt, black pepper, cloves, cinnamon, fresh ginger, and chopped Serrano chiles
Throw ingredients into the back of a clean, well-sealed Toyota pickup truck and fill with orange juice. Let sit in a cool, dry garage, taking truck out for a spin every day or so to mix flavors. After two weeks, set garage on fire, continuing to add wood as needed to keep low flame for at least 72 hours. Tires may be removed if desired to limit smoking. Extinguish flames and cover mixture with half-inch layer of manioc flour.
Serve with orange wedges and individual entrenching tools. Feeds Brazil.
10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled beef
10 kg each of fresh, dried, smoked, jerked, and pickled pork
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork sausage
10 kg each of fresh, dried, and smoked pork ribs
a red herring (in season)
600 kg of black beans
large duffle bag filled with: brown sugar, thyme, oregano, cayenne pepper, bay leaves, salt, black pepper, cloves, cinnamon, fresh ginger, and chopped Serrano chiles
Throw ingredients into the back of a clean, well-sealed Toyota pickup truck and fill with orange juice. Let sit in a cool, dry garage, taking truck out for a spin every day or so to mix flavors. After two weeks, set garage on fire, continuing to add wood as needed to keep low flame for at least 72 hours. Tires may be removed if desired to limit smoking. Extinguish flames and cover mixture with half-inch layer of manioc flour.
Serve with orange wedges and individual entrenching tools. Feeds Brazil.
Run that by me again?
There'd been a glaring misstep in the first number, but Rich declined to repeat it in order to avoid re-done dance.
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
You never know....
The waitress showed up with a turkey baster and a plastic tub on a tray. "Would you like a little less coffee, sir?" she demanded.
Claims to be evaluated on merit now...
Reuters - Meek advised to "man up" as Earth inheritance called into doubt.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
What's the angle on this one?
The warrior fell aslant from the force of the blow and proceeded to die agonally. #lqw
Going to Montana soon, going to be a kopi luwak tycoon
Have just scotch-taped a weasel to my coffee grinder.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Put that in your 140 character box and tweet it!
My country isn't the sweet land o'puberty toothy icing/Land where my fathers buy LandRovers toddlerized to every punkin pie let boredom ring
War of the bots....
Reuters - Pentagon confirms American cleric killed in Yemen drone strike was a robot.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Off for a snack...
I couldn't think of anything to tweet, and then I realized I'd been neglecting the "Garbage in" part of the old dictum.
Waiter there's a goldilocks zone in my chiffonier!
Have just discovered 3000 exoplanets in my sock drawer.
Can't win 'em all....
There were a multitude of parallel universes in which Duncan had made better choices, while nonetheless remaining a chump.
On the level....
The degenerate quantum states looked into the vacuum of each other's eyes and said, "Do you want to make a deal?"
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Fractured lightbulb jokes....
How many explanations does it take to change a dimbulb?
A hundred morons walk into a bar and ask the bartender if he's got change for a lightbulb.
A hundred morons walk into a bar and ask the bartender if he's got change for a lightbulb.
An election by erection, as it were....
Each man's existence - to the extent that he shoots his wad - represents a single vote for the face the future will have.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Stuff it!
Tom reckoned that if the best any of us can do is vote for a future filled with genomes like our own, he might as well stuff the ballot box.
Call me et al.
If I make you first author, Betty when you cite me you can call me et al., call me et al.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
On this frabjous day, let us pledge our dust cloths....
Hype ledge a liege ants, tooth of lag, after your knotted tights of a marigold.
And two-three pup-lick, four widget stands, wan Haitian, hunt her cod, in the visible, wet slipper teen just as for Raul.
And two-three pup-lick, four widget stands, wan Haitian, hunt her cod, in the visible, wet slipper teen just as for Raul.
Monday, September 26, 2011
The meaning of life
Leo conceded it was unfathomable. His best shot was to carrom his genome into the stradalada & hope some future gumball would figure it out.
That oughtta sella million copies!
Larry decided to write his first novel about a man who spends three years putting together marketing tools before writing his first novel.
What kind of planet is this anyway?
Zork stood before the wall for over an hour and no brick came to his aid. On Frip, bricks normally exhibited complicity in under 10 minutes.
Pas de deux interrupted...
A rivulet of borscht snaked down Dmitri's forehead as the ballerina he suspended above him vomited delicately. #lqw
This one was popular on Artwiculate....
Because of his mirth defect, William was unable to be a jocular like the other boys.
New business model!
Have decided to start an emergency shoelace replacement service.
Our Promise: Fresh shoelaces airlifted to you worldwide in under 30 minutes, or they're free.
Our Promise: Fresh shoelaces airlifted to you worldwide in under 30 minutes, or they're free.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Because what?
Because the roll is wound, it earns me tons
Because the roll is wound, it earns me tons
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Love is all, love is new
Love is all, love is you
Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Because the roll is wound, it earns me tons
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind
Because the hint is why? it knows I'm blind
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Love is all, love is new
Love is all, love is you
Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Because the blind is skewed, it creaks, "My, my."
Aaaaaaaaahhh........
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Faster!
When the nurse lifted her head in a brief moment of inattention, the flustered master's mustard plaster busted past her.
Keep in line....
There once was a closed curved named Lee
That had a a fractal dimension of 3
They said stop yer twinin'
Yer overdefinin'
Yer tortuous superficies
That had a a fractal dimension of 3
They said stop yer twinin'
Yer overdefinin'
Yer tortuous superficies
Today's grammar lesson
Pie before tea, except after three, or if hounded like prey, while at labour or play.
Fractured Wire Service Updates
Reuters - Faster than light neutrino slated for mother and child reunion as defunct satellite hurtles earthward.
Been watching too many French cop shows...
Ô sous écoute, ô sous écoute, ô sous écoute honey hide your loot, my sous écoute.
Emily Blog Post
More of us should think about how our tweets will fit in with the ones before and after them. It's just good Twittequette.
All's well that ends eggplant.
People who try to finish your sentences for you are always bicarbonate.
Waterbed
The waters of the lake were still, as if sleeping, but after the boat passed they were a wake.
Lemme outta here!
The unexpectedly dismissed jailor was having a tough time of things. He'd basically had to go cold turnkey.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
I think I got a fleeting glimpse of one a moment ago....
Though the sophisticated female entertainers were popular through the 19th century, there are relatively fugacious in modern-day Japan. #lqw
Sai Baba weighs in on unemployment
Before you accept a job ask yourself: is it fun, is it productive, is it honest, does it improve upon unemployment?
It's the only way....
Finally Dick laid down the law. "Anybody who wants to become a member of this family," he declared, "is gonna have to pass through me first!"
Torx family seeks police protection....
Reuters - Rebel forces track down and execute inventor of phillips-head screw at remote desert hideout.
Stuck in a what?
To accept that you are stuck in a rut, you must first be aware something exists outside the rut.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Another loqwacious time bomb....
As Crawley placed a sack of condoms, hair gel, and croissants on his boss' desk, he realized he'd become low man on the factotum pole. #lqw
The word of the day was philtrum...nobody got it
Whether 'tis nobler in th'nose t'snuffle up drips&drops o'contagious mucus, or curl lip against a sea o'dribbles, 'n by opposing, philtrum.
Pistils at dawn
Finally Hedlund threw down the gauntlet and challenged Rivers to a duel in the poppy field. It was to be pistils at dawn.
Homage to "Ride Your Pony"
Toss your salad / Get out your salad tongs & toss / All right! / Toss your salad / Get out your salad tongs & toss / Ah you're tossin' high!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Another random phrase from the cusp of consciousness
Some of the items in the wastebasket were talismans, placed there to guide the karma of the remaining payload until it could be discarded.
When life gives you seaweed, make nori?
Dreamed I had to give a talk I hadn't prepared on old plastic transparencies. When I arrived at the podium all I had in my hand was seaweed.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Edward Teller Brows
Sung to the tune of Bette Davis Eyes.
The eyes are furry, your sympathy arouse,
No need to worry, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll periodic table you, nuclear fishin' off his bow,
He'll Ronald Reagan you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He won't tease you, he'll unease you,
Don't really care whether he please you,
But he's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
With his eyes like angler fishes,
He's got Dr. Strangelove's on-screen wow, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll start to reel you in, as fast as time allows,
He'll nibble on your fins, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll do an atomic number on you, he irradiates cows,
Those Three Mile Island blues, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll expose you, when he snows you,
With all the pro-nuke spam he throws you,
But he's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
Dangling lures like angler fishes,
He's the father of the H-bomb now, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He will juke you, and rebuke you,
The crazy guy might even nuke you,
He's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
With those dangly angler fishes,
He's the guy invented Star Wars now, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He will juke you,
He'll rebuke you,
Then he'll nuke you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll expose you,
When he snows you.
He'll snow you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
And he'll nuke you...
The eyes are furry, your sympathy arouse,
No need to worry, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll periodic table you, nuclear fishin' off his bow,
He'll Ronald Reagan you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He won't tease you, he'll unease you,
Don't really care whether he please you,
But he's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
With his eyes like angler fishes,
He's got Dr. Strangelove's on-screen wow, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll start to reel you in, as fast as time allows,
He'll nibble on your fins, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll do an atomic number on you, he irradiates cows,
Those Three Mile Island blues, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll expose you, when he snows you,
With all the pro-nuke spam he throws you,
But he's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
Dangling lures like angler fishes,
He's the father of the H-bomb now, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He will juke you, and rebuke you,
The crazy guy might even nuke you,
He's not vicious, he gets what he wishes,
With those dangly angler fishes,
He's the guy invented Star Wars now, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He will juke you,
He'll rebuke you,
Then he'll nuke you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
He'll expose you,
When he snows you.
He'll snow you, he's got Edward Teller brows.
And he'll nuke you...
Saturday, September 17, 2011
An ode to i
Who am i?
Those who abide me tangle in complexity, yet i am the candle that illuminates dreams, all that is not real. Who squares me will find as many more for each of those that i am, and forfeit one of his own. May the heavens beware, for if with time i should rise to a power, all begins to spin.
Who am i?
i am i.
Those who abide me tangle in complexity, yet i am the candle that illuminates dreams, all that is not real. Who squares me will find as many more for each of those that i am, and forfeit one of his own. May the heavens beware, for if with time i should rise to a power, all begins to spin.
Who am i?
i am i.
Now why's that then?
John drove Carol up to Letter's Leap for a smooch, but when she nodded off, he didn't dare wake her.
Running on empty....
I feel good because something positive happened today, but now I can't remember what it was.
Another loqwacious lovely....
Ricky the riveter was injured when the handle broke off his air hammer, and from then on he's had to squat to peen. #lqw
My good deed for the day...
Found this Tiffany heart key in Paris this morning. Could be important to someone. Please RT. http://yfrog.com/mfss0aj
An artwiculate faining spell....
"Knowest thou Melancholy Baby, minstrel?" "Nay alas good sir, but hum a few bars and I would fain feign it."
Fain fain fain, fain of chools.
Fain fain fain, fain of chools.
Banned in Bulgaria
Samizdat (n): premium service available to Amazon ebook authors which bans books in order to improve their sales #lqw
Friday, September 16, 2011
Researchers Devise "Sentient Glue"
UPI - UK researchers working on so-called "smart adhesives" have developed a glue they claim is sentient. "The adhesive matrix can identify the bits that want sticking and those that don't," said lead scientist Conrad Horkle of UC London, "and that gives a cleaner, more solid joint." At present the glue adheres only to the surfaces the researchers did not intend it to bind to, but the group is confident they'll be able to get things turned around. "The sticky bit," says Horkle, "is getting the proportions right. At the moment we reckon we've made the glue too clever by about a half. We'll be looking carefully at the dosages in our upcoming studies." Based on a technique called "arthropod biomimetics", the UCL group's method could lead to commercially available intelligent glues in as little as 5 years time, according to Horkle.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
The inescapable loneliness of being average
If you are of average intelligence, half the people will be smarter than you and half will be dumber. So you won't have any friends.
The indefatigable opulence of the walrus
Hate your hurt, your nature nurture, don't you think the archer aims for you?
Monday, September 12, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
See ya later Allegheny!
There were allegations that the investigators were investigating alligators.
Not exactly spot on....
It came to Cyril one night in dream that God wished him to acquire a spotwelder.
It would behalf a lifetime before he understood that his true destiny lay elsewhere.
It would behalf a lifetime before he understood that his true destiny lay elsewhere.
Raw Kebab Bay Leaf
Raw kebab bay leaf, in the tree top
Window implodes, the cradle will rock
When they buy bricks, the cradle will fall
And Donald Trump bay leaf, cradle and all
Window implodes, the cradle will rock
When they buy bricks, the cradle will fall
And Donald Trump bay leaf, cradle and all
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Carnivore Palimpsest
Morning glory kaftan, alligator porchlight, body bag your quaker oats before the light goes brown. Horizon mishmash. Carpool your mustache. Corn beef your eyelash. Puppets Peru!
Just not getting it across....
Trouble was, every time Tom dropped a hint, somebody picked it up and took it over to Lost and Found.
You're flying in what?!
My husband called me all excited last night from his conference in Osaka and said he was up flying in a lighter than air barroom.
Maybe next time....
Jacques was about to do something impromptu when he realized the moment wasn't wearing any spurs.
Quaker Minced Oaths....
Minced Oath & Warthog've closed down their shop. Th'didn't want to, 'twas all they'd got. Selling bogly odds bodkins, cheese 'n rice figs...
Donald Trump he aint....
Tears welled up in the pot's eyes as Dale removed it gently from the kiln and told it it had been fired.
An ode to packaging
John didn't have enough fingers to get the package open and finally had to call in a toe.
Ho hum, are we in orbit yet?
By 2020 suborbital flights on Spaceship 2 had become so effortless & low key that people started calling it the Space Subtle #lqw
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Ode to a triangle...
Symmetric, mystical, imposing yet lean, and spare. Behold the equilateral triangle, a paragon of polygons.
Friday, September 2, 2011
Sai Baba meets Ralph Lauren
Before donning a garment, ask yourself: Is it good? Is it beautiful? Is it necessary? Does it improve upon nakedness?
Kitty blues....
This Schroedinger cat had a mind to ramble, and at the same time, a mind not to go nowhere. #lqw
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